A New Lease on Life

Lilybelle and Pete have apparently found a place and signed a lease. Has Lilybelle disclosed this information to me or to Jonquil . . . you know, the people whose home she is living in? Of course not! Do we know when she is moving? Of course not.

I expect at least that information so that I can ensure that my dog and cat are properly restrained and cared for so they don’t escape while Lilybelle’s belongings are being moved out.

My birthday was last week. I came home to the most glorious present of Lilybelle being gone and she stayed gone for four and a half days. Peace, quiet, bliss. Do you think she or Marigold wished me a happy birthday? Of course not.

I have PMS, so I am pretty cranky anyway but I sit here thinking of all of this shit and it just angers me to no end. Only once in the 7 years that Jonquil and I have been married have either of those girls wished me a happy birthday. One time, one kid. But somehow I am supposed to care about their birthdays. These aren’t children anymore.

I had a conversation with my mother-in-law and let it all spill out. I think things between her and I are ok, but I still won’t be attending any family functions. I don’t want Lilybelle to ever be able to say that her father, grandmother or any of her family chose me over her. The only way I can ensure that can’t happen is if they are all aware that I am not coming. Not “I am not coming if Lilybelle goes/is invited”. Just, not coming. Easier that way. If Lilybelle declines to come to a family function, that must be entirely on her.

Lilybelle is not taking her cat with her. Apparently Pete doesn’t want the cat. Match made in heaven right there. You know what I would have said to Jonquil (or anyone) that said they didn’t want my pets (and I had 6 when Jonquil and I got married. Two each of big dogs, rabbits and cats)? See ya later, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Lilybelle is planning to leave the cat with her friend until she can convince Pete to let her bring the cat to their home. Good luck with that sunshine, that Pete is a controlling mother fucker. I expect that the relationship will end and that will be when Lilybelle gets her cat back from her friend.

I am relieved that Lilybelle did not ask us to keep her cat. Her cat is CRAZY and has attacked Jonquil and I on separate occassions for no reason. I told people I wouldn’t take her cat but in reality I would have felt so bad for the kitty that I would have kept her. My desire not to keep the cat is related more to my desire not to help Lilybelle in any way than it is to the actual cat. Poor kitty.

I’m done. I am tapping out. In 10 days or less I get my home back and my life back and hopefully my marriage will remain intact. When this child needs help, I will not be there to help her.

I could have forgiven her calling me names after all the help I have given her. I could have forgiven her pathological lying. I could even have forgiven her lying about me to the rest of the family. But she involved her mother, and I get to watch mine and my husband’s name be smeared all of town . . . again. I don’t care about my name, but that bitch tells every friend that she and Jonquil still share about all of this crap. I am sick of it. Nothing has changed. That child is still the manipulative, selfish little asshole she was when she was 14 and hanging in the breeze was the promise of all the wonderful things her mother would give her if she shunned her father. Now, her mother does nothing to help her and we STILL sit in this same story.


Fairy tale over.

And I shall live happily ever after without her in my life.


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Shower Power

I assume the shower on Saturday was a success. I really don’t know.

I did receive a text message from Marigold on Sunday to say thanks for the sandwiches and the cake and that everyone loved them. Lilybelle never said thank you. Not surprised. She Were you expecting one? I sure as hell wasn’t.

I made the cake and 8 different kinds of tea sandwiches, dropped it all off and left. I did not stay for the shower.

I went to the dog park instead. It was way more fun than the Lilybelle Show.

Catty and bitchy? Well yes thanks, I am.

I also didn’t leave a gift. I told Jonquil that what he wants to get her and at what cost and when is entirely up to him.


It all worked out

One of Marigold’s reasons for leaving me with all the food prep was because she is away at school and has class until 6 p.m. so she won’t get home until about 10 or 11.

Yesterday she sends me a message telling me she will be home around 7:30 or 8 so if I need help to let her know. I said “I thought you had class until 6?”

She says:

“I am going to my first class to write a test, and then I emailed my teacher of the last class to let her know a classmate will be handing in my assignment. I’ll also be missing a lab, but she drops the lowest two marks so I just won’t do this one ;) It all worked out.”

No my dear, it did not all work out.

Are they completely oblivious to the disaster they leave in their wakes?


Amityville horror moment coming on

Get ouuuuuuttttttt

Lilybelle won’t be home when I am home which is just fine with me. However, it does cause unnecessary tension in the house even when she isn’t there.

All those same old feelings are back. I thought we were past this. I thought this bullshit was over. I thought Narcissus and her shit were out of my life.

I feel so despondent. I don’t know if we can survive this again.


Right back where we started

Lilybelle has been less than forthcoming with us about what is happening. She tells us nothing about her doctor’s visits, when her boyfriend is coming down, when she is going there, when she is moving out. It is like pulling teeth.

Last she told me, she was moving out October 1 or November 1. She said she would not be there when the baby came and there was no need for me to rearrange rooms and people and furniture.

Stop me if you have heard this . . . Marigold started planning a baby shower without me. My feelings were hurt but I said nothing. Lilybelle came home one day and asked if I would make the cake for the shower that her sister was planning for her. More hurt, said nothing. Eventually, Marigold asked me to help. Swallowed hurt, said I would. Then Marigold picked a theme, made a guest list, decided on food and invitations without me. I tried to suggest things and people who needed to be on the list but was ignored for three days. I got mad and pulled out. An argument ensued. Grandma got involved and guilted me into helping.

Marigold and I had exchanged emails about the shower. The theme is cute as a button so she wanted me to make shortbread cookies that looked like buttons as favours, a cake with that theme and she wanted us to make sandwiches that were cut to look like buttons. She told me she would come over Friday night to help me with the sandwiches.

I send her an email that asked if I should wait for her to go shopping or if she was just going to come over and help make them and what was the plan for games. I got back a message that said, among other things “As far as I knew, you were in charge of them (contents, prep)” and “if it seems like I’m not putting in a lot of effort into the shower, it’s because I’m not. There’s so much going on here. Just don’t tell Lilybelle that. I wouldn’t want her to think I don’t care.”

I was pretty angry because this is EXACTLY what I thought would happen. Ambrosia gets all the work. I said nothing. I was just going to do and swallow it. But then I got a message that said “It would be nice for dad to make an appearance” and I lost it. He works, EVERY WEEKEND. This is not new. I am not sure what happened, if that was just the last straw or if I heard Narcissus and her “it would be nice if you made an appearance at dragon boating” bullshit. I just snapped and I told Marigold off and said that it wasn’t fair that I was being left to do all the food while she did what? Plan a game?

We argued through messages. I told her to stop messaging me or I wasn’t doing anything.

Then the phone rings and it is Grandma. Marigold called Grandma, and Grandma called me. I told Grandma I couldn’t talk about it because Lilybelle was there but Grandma kept it going until we ended up talking about it anyway with Lilybelle ease dropping from the living room. Lilybelle tried to interject and I said “This conversation doesn’t concern you, stay out of it” and she tried again and I repeated myself.

Then Lilybelle stormed out. Please note that my “This conversation doesn’t concern you, stay out of it” has turned into “mind your own fucking business” and some other crap I absolutely did not say and would NEVER say while I was on the phone with Grandma.

The next day I found out that Lilybelle had called me a cunt to more than one person. This isn’t hearsay, there isn’t a possibility I am wrong. I know she said it. I witnessed it myself. The walls have ears. Kids forget that.

I got very upset and I told Lilybelle that I knew what she had called me and that after everything I had done for her I found it very offensive. I told her that we were happy to have her move in with us because we thought we were helping her. She was supposed to pay off her debt but she hasn’t paid one red cent of it. We haven’t asked her for anything and she does NOTHING. She never says please, she never says thank you. And that even when I paid for her ultrasound neither she nor her boyfriend said thank you and didn’t even show her dad the pictures.

I was on the stairs, and I turned around and went up.

This has turned into – I came at her.

She went to whine and complain to Grandma, Pete, her mother and anyone else that would listen. Again. I am a cunt. That Pete’s favourite word and he regularly uses it to describe his mother, so it is no surprise that Lilybelle now uses it to describe women in her life.

I told Jonquil what happened. Lilybelle flatly denied calling me a cunt to Jonquil and said that it took me all day to come up with it and I made it up.

Narcissus is telling people that I am trying to come between Jonquil and his girls (again), that Lilybelle is having complications with her pregnancy – high blood pressure, nose bleeds and fainting – and that we are just trying to add to her stress. This is news to us, she never said a word and I haven’t seen her faint or have a nose bleed. She is also a hypochondriac and a ‘victim’ like her mother. She loves the sympathy card.

I can’t do this again. I thought it was over. I can’t sit here and watch my husband get dragged through the mud again. I can’t be blamed for it anymore.

How long until Jonquil starts to hate me? I am not waiting for that. That would kill me.

So, I sat Jonquil down last night and gave him two choices. 1 – I leave. 2 – I stay in our marriage and in our home but I have nothing to do with his family – his kids, his mom, his brother. That option is contingent on him agreeing to spend Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings, birthdays and other special occasions with his mother and his children. That is non-negotiable. In addition, Lilybelle needs a plan to get out of our house and when she is out she never, ever comes back. I don’t care what happens, she will not be moving back in with us. This way, it can never be said that he chose his wife over his children. And this way, I can’t be blamed for Lilybelle’s terrible behaviour. I will be a non-entity.

Jonquil has reluctantly chosen option 2. There is no other way. It is what they all wanted all along and I am loathe to let them win, but it is the only way to save my sanity, my marriage and Jonquil’s relationship with his family and children.

It won’t be easy, but we will make it work. It will be just like in my first marriage – his parents hated me. I will spend holidays alone with just my children. Like old times. Comfort in what we know.

I am estranged from a lot of my family. My dad and I are not close, although I do go and visit him regularly. Dad’s family never wanted much to do with me after I became an adult; I was not invited to my aunt’s wedding, they would all gather (with my sister, sorry sister this isn’t about you) at my aunt’s house for Christmas and I was not invited there either. On my mom’s side, one aunt is bat shit fucking crazy and the other one lives pretty far away with her own children and grandchildren, I am not going to intrude on that.

I always thought my family was crazy and that when Jonquil and I got married I thought I would have this big family and family holidays and all that other stuff I don’t have with my own family. Instead, I am alone again. At some point you really have to start wondering if the problem lays with you. Perhaps I am just entirely unlovable.

Oh well, Charlie loves me.

I feel terrible for Jonquil, he is stuck in the middle with no good choices. I wasn’t accommodating to conversation either. It was my way or no way at all. I do this to protect him, not to hurt him. I promise I will never make him feel guilty for spending time with his mother and his children. I swear.

On the plus side, I won’t be cooking the turkey anymore and I guess someone else will have to do all those holiday dishes. I never left my mother-in-law with a house full of dirty pots, pans and dishes. Someone else will have to step up.

Marigold and I were able to sort most things out yesterday. She said she loves me and that “while I have a bio mother, I can’t call her a mom. I hoped you would be my mom.” Made me sob like a baby. Unfortunately, it can’t be. I can’t be there for one sister and remove myself from the picture for the other one. That won’t work.

Lilybelle has a tough road ahead of her. Pete is not a good guy and this relationship will not last. When the shit hits the fan and she finds herself alone with a baby she will have nowhere to turn. Narcissus is no help unless there is something in it for Narcissus. Lilybelle has burned this bridge and I will not be there. I forgave this behaviour when she was a child and didn’t know any better. She is an adult now. She can’t tell the truth about anything. Everything is an embellishment or an outright lie. Everything.

This is all a means to an end for Lilybelle. She wants Pete to move in with her but he is dragging his heels about finding a place to live. She is now playing the “I can’t stay here” card. Woe is her. But in using me as a means to get to her goal, she is really only shooting herself in the foot. She can’t fool people forever, everyone will eventually see what she does.

Grandma will be upset about this, but that is really just too bad. I have sat there for 7 years wondering why she doesn’t like me. I hear her call my sister in law and say “Hi, it’s mom” and she calls me and says “Hi, it’s HerName”. I sit and listen to her make plans with my sister-in-law to go out for lunch but she has never even invited me over for lunch, let alone out. When Jonquil and his brother were away for a weekend at a trade show, sister-in-law was at Grandma’s house while I sat next door alone. Grandma takes Marigold and Lilybelle out to sister-in-law’s house but Rosebud is home alone and asks me why she is never asked to come. Grandma doesn’t have to pretend anymore. She can have her sons, the daughter-in-law she has a relationship with, her grandkids and she won’t have to worry about this step-family that is full of intrusions.

Jonquil is very good at keeping our home together and things moving along, but very bad at the outside stuff. Like every good wife, it was me that kept those things moving along. Me that would tell Jonquil to call his mom and tell her we are bringing dinner over, me that suggests Christmas gifts and birthday gifts, me that nags him into helping her with things when he forgets she has asked him, me that books the truck to move Marigold back to school so she doesn’t get screwed rather than waiting for her step-father and mother to drop the ball again, me that was there to help Lilybelle move the first time and me that suggested she move in with us when she was ready to move the second time, me that cooks the turkey and cleans everything up after dinner. Me.

And my thanks for all of that is to be alone.

I can live with that. Sometimes the right thing to do is exceptionally painful and this sacrifice is one I must make for Jonquil, because I love him that much.


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